A conflict in my head?!?!?!?!?

I had a very interesting conversation with another teacher at work about the way people demonstrate their faith. She goes to a pentocostal church in Sydney and I go to an Anglican church in Wollongong. Having grown up in a Catholic church, I was quite shocked when I moved to and Anglican church- I thought it was really different and upbeat and, I dont know, very modern (that is not quite the word I am looking for but it will do)- I know, I know, those who go to my church will laugh- I realise now that I actually go to a quite conservative church. We were talking about things such as talking in tongues, healing, falling to knees, etc. This stuff really scares me, I mean REALLY scares me! It may be that it scares me because I dont understand it- I know that it goes on in the Bible and I know people who (seem completely normal) do it. What I was thinking (and I would really appreciate some opinions and comments on it) is that maybe it really does depend on the church you go to. Like, at my church, people dont even put their hands in the air and she says that it is really strange at her church if people do not raise their hands- that they are not really "feeling" or praising God if their hands are not raised. Maybe it really does depend on what church 'type' you go to. She also told me about the first time she spoke in tongues- it was completely random- she was sitting with her sister and she just started and didnt even realise it. Her church spends the first 1/2- 1 hr singing (she says her church is like a concert every week) and jumping about. I am not saying that I think one way is better than the other as she seems like such a totally committed Christian. I am just curious what people think about the idea that we worship according to the way our church worships- I mean I dont know, do you know people who do these things? What churches do they attend- do they go to my church? I really dont know. Let me know

Woo Hoo!!!!!

I was called into the Principals office today for a meeting and even though I knew what was coming I was really worried. Last week I was assessed for my teaching Certificate which basically involved the Principal looking at my program and then coming in to observe my lesson. I wasnt sure how I went and my kids were mucking up a little but the Pincipal told me I was fine- I was happy enough with that but today when he called me to his office I was still a little concerned- maybe it was a just pass, etc... However, he told me that I went really well and that he was impressed with it- I was so relieved- especially considering that I was at the Starwars Premier the night before and had had about 2 hours sleep! Thank you to all who were praying about it and supporting me in other ways too.

Huh???

Ok, it doesnt come very naturally to me to be very open and to let people into my life but I will try my hardest, so here goes:

Lately I have been looking at the last year and thinking about the changes that have occurred in my life- man- I am a completely different person to that dowdy person I once was. I am actually quite embarrassed about how I dressed then. It is not just about my looks and clothes however- my personality has changed so much that sometimes I don’t recognise myself. I have much more confidence since beginning work and due to a license and a car- I actually have friends and a social life- I am busy almost every weekend and am slowly but surely building up some confidence in myself and my abilities. I still have a long way to go, particularly with my thoughts about myself (very negative at times) and about how other people view me- it will take a long time to get over these views of myself- I always assume the worst of myself- that I am annoying, people are putting up with me (my absolute worst fear!!!) This, I believe, is actually mistrusting other people- I don’t know.

In all of this though, I am able to look at and I emphasise the importance of prayer- I cannot take any credit for the positive changes I am able to see in me. About a year ago, I prayed that God would help me to make friends and to be able to encourage others. Before this I was somewhat of a recluse- I had a few friends but was at that point not going to church or bible study or anywhere that I was hanging around other Christians- this is not because I didn’t like them it was that I was so worried that I was annoying them and could not keep up a conversation with people that I just stayed home. I told myself that I was enjoying watching t.v and stuff. After praying about this and being genuinely upset about it (and also after a long period of time before I actually prayed- duh- would have saved a lot of heartache and trouble) I began to want to be with others- I started going to a Bible study group who welcomed me in and made me feel useful and began to hang around with people on a Saturday night. I can only thank God for his love and for giving us Christian brothers and sisters and also thank everyone who has called me or asked me to hang out. I still pray that I am not a burden on people and that I am not someone who people have to try hard to love and get along with. I also pray that if I am, people will tell me- even though it will hurt beyond belief- people will tell me.

I still have a long way to go and I don’t think I will ever shake these feelings, but I do try to ignore them more now and not to let them ruin my life.

A bit about me

All right, I am determined that I will try to be honest in my posts and to respond when I can to other posts. I am not sure exactly what I am supposed to write in here but I figure that whatever I write is what I think and everyone is entitled to express their opinion- and I invite people to do so as I plan to do it.