And so...
Graduation. Year 12 1997.
The music began, I immediately recognised the tune and automatically the words started running through my head. I sat wondering what relevance this song had to graduation. Then I heard the new and improved lyrics that a 17 year old had made up. It should have been: "And so this is Christmas..." Instead it was: "And so this is living and what have we done, the old days are over, the new ones just begun".At the time I felt slightly ill- not because of the significance of the words but because I thought they were they were so tacky and ridiculous. I wust confess that the words didn't really mean much to me- I was already an adult, after all had already moved out of home (and moved back home again) and the people in my life were there to stay.
Within one year I had changed directions in my life at least 3 times, had stopped speaking to my best friend and had fallen in and out of "love" twice- funnily enough= I don't remember their names. The grown up life wasn't easy!
During the following 2 years, I made a host of different 'acquaintances' who I believed were friends and had one major crush that lasted for the whole time (and a little bit longer) It was during this time that I started taking on board some of the challenges of being a Christian. I realised that there was more to life than myself - social justice played a large part in my beliefs and ministry. Now I was grown up for sure
After training and gaining my TAFE qualifications, once again a change in goals seemed necessary- I moved in with my dad and went to uni. Once again I was certain I was grown up. It was there at uni that I made some genuine friends again- I had been in isolation and seclusion for too long. I rekindled a friendship with a friend from high school and formed friendships with a few other people- I stopped going to church. I felt lefty out and awkward- I didn't want people to feel obliged to be my friends. Once again I developed a 'liking' for someone Once again nothing came from it. I thought "so this is what being a grown up is all about" Life and ambition seemed perfectly clear to me. - I couldn't understand why it had taken so long for me to grow up.
Work was the next logical step- thats how it goes- you study then you work. For once I didn't have to fight for this- it was handed to me- I couldnt believe it! I had been targeted- only about 900 people got targeted that year across NSW between preschool and year 12- I was one of three from my uni- I was very excited.
So here I am, 3 years later, I am 27 - surely I must be grown up now, I mean I have a full time hob, several debts (a very grown up thing I am told) and own a car: ALL GROWN UP THINGS!
So why do I feel so insignificant? I mean adults are confident, strong willed, sure, steady, reliable- aren't they? That's what I used to think about adults- now that I am one - I am still waiting for that magic wand to wave and I will be confident, beautiful, faithful, married, a mummy, a teacher- all of the things that make a person worth something- well at least I know that as I am a teacher- I am 1/6th of an adult- so let me see- I was 25 when I got my job as a teacher so 25 x 6 = 150. Judging by those calculations I should finally be an adult when I am 150 years old- Easy!!!
Obviously what I really lack is patience, however I have a particular aversion to praying for patience- it is the 2nd most dangerous thing a person can pray for in my opinion- the 1st one being wisdom.
Someday I expect I will grow up.
"And so this is living, and what have you done, the old days are over then new ones just begun..."
!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!
The music began, I immediately recognised the tune and automatically the words started running through my head. I sat wondering what relevance this song had to graduation. Then I heard the new and improved lyrics that a 17 year old had made up. It should have been: "And so this is Christmas..." Instead it was: "And so this is living and what have we done, the old days are over, the new ones just begun".At the time I felt slightly ill- not because of the significance of the words but because I thought they were they were so tacky and ridiculous. I wust confess that the words didn't really mean much to me- I was already an adult, after all had already moved out of home (and moved back home again) and the people in my life were there to stay.
Within one year I had changed directions in my life at least 3 times, had stopped speaking to my best friend and had fallen in and out of "love" twice- funnily enough= I don't remember their names. The grown up life wasn't easy!
During the following 2 years, I made a host of different 'acquaintances' who I believed were friends and had one major crush that lasted for the whole time (and a little bit longer) It was during this time that I started taking on board some of the challenges of being a Christian. I realised that there was more to life than myself - social justice played a large part in my beliefs and ministry. Now I was grown up for sure
After training and gaining my TAFE qualifications, once again a change in goals seemed necessary- I moved in with my dad and went to uni. Once again I was certain I was grown up. It was there at uni that I made some genuine friends again- I had been in isolation and seclusion for too long. I rekindled a friendship with a friend from high school and formed friendships with a few other people- I stopped going to church. I felt lefty out and awkward- I didn't want people to feel obliged to be my friends. Once again I developed a 'liking' for someone Once again nothing came from it. I thought "so this is what being a grown up is all about" Life and ambition seemed perfectly clear to me. - I couldn't understand why it had taken so long for me to grow up.
Work was the next logical step- thats how it goes- you study then you work. For once I didn't have to fight for this- it was handed to me- I couldnt believe it! I had been targeted- only about 900 people got targeted that year across NSW between preschool and year 12- I was one of three from my uni- I was very excited.
So here I am, 3 years later, I am 27 - surely I must be grown up now, I mean I have a full time hob, several debts (a very grown up thing I am told) and own a car: ALL GROWN UP THINGS!
So why do I feel so insignificant? I mean adults are confident, strong willed, sure, steady, reliable- aren't they? That's what I used to think about adults- now that I am one - I am still waiting for that magic wand to wave and I will be confident, beautiful, faithful, married, a mummy, a teacher- all of the things that make a person worth something- well at least I know that as I am a teacher- I am 1/6th of an adult- so let me see- I was 25 when I got my job as a teacher so 25 x 6 = 150. Judging by those calculations I should finally be an adult when I am 150 years old- Easy!!!
Obviously what I really lack is patience, however I have a particular aversion to praying for patience- it is the 2nd most dangerous thing a person can pray for in my opinion- the 1st one being wisdom.
Someday I expect I will grow up.
"And so this is living, and what have you done, the old days are over then new ones just begun..."
!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!
posted by Mel M at Monday, January 01, 2007
2 Comments:
Hmm. Frowny-Face, Im at 0/6.
Its interesting, that I recently approached the same point from exactly the oposite direction recently
As far as praying for patience and wisdom goes, they are incredibly dangerous. But also incredibly rewarding. Danger must be faced to grow sometimes... but it's never easy. And don't be so down on yourself. I dont know any adults who have all 6 of your categories.
Perhaps the list of categories is not 6, but 600, and being an adult is not about having all of them, but about being aware of which you do and dont have, and striving towards improvement...
Perhaps not. What do you think?
I agree that there are many more categories and areas involved in being a "grown up" I also am trying to look at it comparitively- My children in my class all view me as an adult which I think is an age thing- I am not a child to them therefore I must be an adult. On the other side I am younger than their parents yet to them I am still an adult and an authority on their child- often I have to remind them that they are the parents.
I think that one of the things that clarifies an adult is having the ability and the WILL to make important decisions- you need both- I have no doubts that most adults have the ability to make decisions but whether they have the maturity to actually make those decisions rather than letting things take their toll- the decisions may not be the best thing for ourselves- I think that is another thing about being an adult- we need to lose that self centredness that children possess- we start to look at how our decisions impact not only our own lives but those of our family, friends, community and even occasionaally our world.
I say when will I grow up? I have unrealistic views of grown ups and what it means to be one- I agree wioth your post about already being a grown up and especially the part about it being a continual process and will add to it as being a learning cycle- you learn it, use it evaluate it and try it again and it is a continual cycle.
Life is not a dress rehearsal - it is not something that just drifts by us as we watch it- there are rarely any absolutes about life- I know as a Christian that Jesus is the Lord and our Saviour- but even there there are no absolutes for us about how that impacts our lives and how we respond to this as individuals.
Time to get off my soap box for the evening- what do you think?
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