Relationships
The complexities of relationships- please note that I am not only referring to male/female relationships although I am not excluding this either but the relationships between family members, friends, aquaintances, etc. I am also not really talking about our relationship with God as this is a whole other post in itself although that said I am referring to the relationships we as people have and many of my thoughts are coming from conversations I have had with Christians recently so I am not excluding relationships with God either.
I have recently seen about 6 or 7 ways that we can stuff up relationships through miscommunication and poor communication (often my doing I must confess). One thing I have been quite impressed (as well as extremely uncomfortable) with the ways in which some of my friends have dealt with these small hiccups that could have grown way out of control. I am not terribly good/ comfortable approaching people and being completely upfront about things (I dont mean that I am dishonest- I just prefer to let things slide) I usually let things get to explosion point and then... I explode to myself (is that imploding???) when others are not around- and for the record thank you to some of those people who have witnessed the ex/imploding- it rarely happens. What I am trying to say in a very roundabout way is that I think it is one of the most important things that God has given us- COMMUNICATION and I know I dont always use it appropriately or efficiently but it is something I/we can and should keep working on- so we can honour and glorify God in our interactions and communications with others.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK ON ANYONE- THESE ARE MERELY MY THOUGHTS AND I HAVE HAD THESE THOUGHTS FOR A VERY LONG TIME!!!
I have recently seen about 6 or 7 ways that we can stuff up relationships through miscommunication and poor communication (often my doing I must confess). One thing I have been quite impressed (as well as extremely uncomfortable) with the ways in which some of my friends have dealt with these small hiccups that could have grown way out of control. I am not terribly good/ comfortable approaching people and being completely upfront about things (I dont mean that I am dishonest- I just prefer to let things slide) I usually let things get to explosion point and then... I explode to myself (is that imploding???) when others are not around- and for the record thank you to some of those people who have witnessed the ex/imploding- it rarely happens. What I am trying to say in a very roundabout way is that I think it is one of the most important things that God has given us- COMMUNICATION and I know I dont always use it appropriately or efficiently but it is something I/we can and should keep working on- so we can honour and glorify God in our interactions and communications with others.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK ON ANYONE- THESE ARE MERELY MY THOUGHTS AND I HAVE HAD THESE THOUGHTS FOR A VERY LONG TIME!!!
posted by Mel M at Monday, October 24, 2005
7 Comments:
Mel, I really don't see how this could be taken as an attack on anyone. Maybe some of the people that read/comment need to communicte better (read clearer) and if there is a problem, as you said, fix it before it explodes.
One thing - people may feel uncomfortable talking about things, but it is better to put out small scrub fire than fight a fully formed bush fire.
Also, it may appear that these people are comfortable talking about things, but they may not be. I think possibly that they feel that that communication is more important than their comfortable levels.
Ive always been a firm believer in adressing issues and problems as soon as it is viable to do so. I think it is incredibly important to be able to talk about your problems... Otherwise you are going to have them escalate out of all control!
This come to some extent out of my hatred for being in a situation where people are pissed at me. If someone is angry with me and I know about it, I think I have a responsibility to work to help solve the problem. I couldent care less if im at fault or not. Im still involved and it may not be my "job" to fix things, but I benefit from doing so, so why not.
this is probarbly comming across as very arrogant... I'm sure I have my own areas where im blind to the oportunity to improve relationships. Im sure I could do this a lot better. but I think these attitudes have really helped me in life to avoid exactly what your talking about.
I am mostly referring to myself when I say that I am very bad at communicating in regards to how I avoid confrontation at all costs- I have great respect for the ability to do this- no matter the personal cost- I think that as long as things are done lovingly and with the intention of building one another up then it is important- it is definately something I must work on
Agreed with Gadgit and Chinny. Also Mel, I dont feel you need to work on the love and building people up bit (well nomore than anyone else), just the confidence to make sure people understand what you are saying.
Maybe I should be working on loving and encouraging thoughts then so I am not a hypocrite- that definately needs lots and lots of work
Mel, Megan here
found your blog again (am supposed to be doing uni work...) and just wanted to say that you are so hard on yourself! I think that you are an extremely caring,friendly, thoughtful person. Communication in this world can be very hard- people are intrinsically sinful and selfish.I have found that whatever your intentions,sometimes it can't work out with words alone...prayer and time help.
Megan
Mel, I dont think your being fair on yourself. For starters the fact that you can even see what went wrong in these situations puts you above the majority of the world.
Believe me, everyone stuffs up communication. Ive stopped myself from responding to a series of comments on my blog temporarily. One of the reasons ive done so, is that this week, it seems like every time I open my mouth im being misunderstood.
My point is, I guess that this is an area in which EVERYONE could improve. In fact the only wrong attitude is to think that we dont need to improve.
You arent perfect, noone is, but your much better at it than many people I know. Dont be so harsh on yourself. Thats an order :p
Communicartion is always a two way street. Sometimes your the one being an obstavle, sometimes they are. Its a matter of working out which and then working to fix it.
As to your other points. Somethiimes letting things slide is the right response. I just dont od it, cause I get more entertaining "discussions" by not doing so.
(Ok that was a bit flippant, but theres probarbly an element of truth to that.. Im far more willing to be confrontational, because I DO enjoy confrontation most of the time.)
That dosent make my view right. Just different. That said, ou can go too far the other way. There are times when you need to confront someoe and challenge them.
And it's never easy to tell the difference.
(Written in haste, Hope it makes sence)
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